The Soul Contract – You Designed Your Life Purpose!

Each one of us has a Soul Contract.

Some call it Destiny, or your Life Purpose…

It doesn’t matter the label you give it. There is a specific plan for You, which includes specific events that will be the milestones of your life. This contract was created while you were in Spirit form – in the full consciousness of your soul – your Higher Self awareness.

Before you incarnate into a new life, whether it be in Earth School or some other destination in the infinite Universe, you write a scenario of what your soul craves to learn through challenging experiences.

Remember, Earth School is about experiencing hardships, transcending lower self expressions of the human experience: greed; envy; lust; jealousy…you get the picture. In the Spirit realm, there is only Love, and all that which expresses Love. In the Heavenly realms, there exists an eternal stillness of pure loving energy, which is God Spirit. All the hardships of this world are left behind when you exit each lifetime. In Spirit, your soul is liberated from all pain and suffering. Love is the pure essence of the Divine realm of eternity.

Like Shakespeare, you write a scenario of events for your soul to experience in your upcoming incarnation.

This event story is intended to launch your soul into a higher state of awareness, based on the intensity and nature of the experiences you design. And when you are born into your new life, your Lower Self will be the actor on the stage, performing the events your Higher Self designed before birth.

Free Will is literally how your soul (reincarnated as John or Jane Doe), reacts to these events. That is your ultimate freedom. Your power is how you respond to your contracted events. Think of your life contract this way:

Imagine you have signed a contract to go from Los Angeles to New York in your new life as a student in Earth School. You can go however you want, at whatever speed. You can take the train, fly, or drive. You can stop along the way, wherever you desire. But bottom line is, you are going to New York, not anywhere else. That’s your contract. Your free will is how you respond and create the path to your destination. You just can’t modify your destination.

Your life is not as simple as going from L.A to New York, obviously! Your life markers are predetermined  according to your contract.  These events are the big ticket milestones of your lifeline. Some of the most obvious and basic aspects to your soul contract are:

-What gender you want to be this round
-Who you choose to be your parents
-What your big challenges in life will be

-When, and how you exit this incarnation

Many people painfully mourn those who are lost early in life; especially those who meet a tragic death by accident, or even suicide. Please know, these souls chose that path of exit before they incarnated. It was in their soul contract to know that experience, for the edification of their Higher Self.

We have all had many incarnations. Old souls, millions upon millions of lifetimes have been lived.

Like grains of sand tossed and turned on the shores of Earth School, each grain of sand represents a single lifetime. You, the true version of You, is like the Ocean that knows all the grains of sand. The Ocean, your Higher Self, knows all its lifetimes both past and future, because linear time doesn’t exist outside the 3D realm.

Right now, your Higher Self knows what you will do in ten years. It already knows everything about your future. Now, you are here to act it out. You are not here to invent anything, or discover anything. Your Soul already knows everything. You are simply here to express, and release, all the gifts and talents that reside within you.

The parents my Higher Self chose before I incarnated into this life, were both hard core atheists.

My father Doug, an engineer and architect by trade, knew nothing, and cared nothing for God, or anything spiritual. He was actually a terrible person. Doug was self-righteous, bigoted, and exceptionally racist. But he’s the one I chose to be my father in this incarnation.

Mother was kind.  She was a dedicated teacher of special needs children, and she won awards for her excellence in that field. But Elinor was also a hard core atheist. She actually abhorred people of faith. One of her well greased expressions – always accompanied by a big sigh and a huge roll of the eyes was: “Ugh, those people of faith!” As if people of faith were a disgrace to humanity.

The earliest memory I have of this incarnation is when I was about six months old. Our family lived in a lovely shingled house that overlooked a wooded canyon, in La Cañada, California. I vividly remember sitting in my diaper, on top of a small pink blanket, on the hardwood floor of our dining room.

My mother was coming down the staircase, mid flight, in front of me. I distinctly remember this moment. It was a tragic moment for me, only a small baby, when I realized my mother was sleepwalking. She had the blank stare of humans who don’t remember who they are.

At six months old, I could remember exactly who I was, and where I came from. I knew I was a baby again, in a new body. I remembered exactly what my soul contract was, and the one I designed with my mother. As she descended the staircase, I looked at her, straight in the eyes, and I saw the vacant look, the sadness. It was horrible. I saw, in that instant, that she had forgotten that she came from Spirit, that she was an eternal being. My mother was a zombie completely detatched from God. In her earthly body,  she was a prisoner of her Lower Self, sleepwalking in the earthly dream state.

As a baby, I remembered the Hall of Souls, and where my mother and I drew up our contract before we incarnated. And, I knew this contract had to do with God. Sitting there in diapers on the floor, I admit I was angry that my mother had fallen asleep. She had forgotten everything about our contract together.

That devistating event is still my earliest memory of this incarnation. The memory stops there, right after I responded with anger and disappointment knowing my mother had become a zombie.

Growing up with Elinor as a mother was challenging for a child who only wanted to talk about Spirit, and all the entities visiting our home day after day. Every time I opened my mouth to discuss God, mom got mad. She would try to shut me down, telling me everything I was saying was ridiculous.

I remember many discussions, often when we were riding in the car. Elinor would argue with her small child: “There is nothing beyond this lifetime. You are born, and then you die. You become nothing. Nothing exists beyond what is in front of your eyes. That’s the truth.” She was relentless. And so was I.

I saw spirits everywhere, and I wanted to talk about it.

“Mom look, do you see that woman standing over there? She’s here to help me.” That talk just made her more upset. Finally she gave me an ultimatum. I was not allowed to discuss any of my “made up” stories about spirits, angels, and visitors in the night. I was to take all that nonsense to a priest.

That’s right. When I was four years old,  my mother delivered me to the local church, for Sunday school class. It was a weird way to shut me down. As an atheist, this was a strange solution to take your wacky daughter to church, when you don’t even believe in God. But Mom thought this was a good idea.  I still remember my first encounter with the priest.

It was a weekday, sometime in 1961, when mom took me to the Church of the Lighted Window, in La Cañada, California! It’s still there. And to this day they still have Lighted Window Preschool! Ha! I may have been one of the first preschool scholars to sign up.

My mother said to the priest: “I don’t know what to do with her. She keeps talking about seeing people, and she’s making up all these stories about, well, heaven I guess… I can’t help her. Maybe you can.”

And so it was, that I began my formal education about God, from the sweet little church so close to home. I remember being mesmerized by the stained glass window, for which the church was named. I could see the angels come to life and I heardmany of their stories, just gazing at that beautiful window.

The relationship with my mother was stressful. I always knew God, and mom hated the idea of that.

We argued often about this subject. And our beliefs put a wedge between us. She would often say things like: “You’re so different. How did you get to be this way?” It was meant harmlessly I suppose. But, I always took it as an insult, as if something were wrong with me. She certainly thought so. No doubt about that.

So, I learned at an early age to keep quiet about anything spiritual. No one in the family appreciated, or knew God. Even my two older sisters were at peace not knowing anything about Spirit, and over time, this subject was never discussed again.

Here is my confession right now to the Universe, and to you reading this story: I spent my entire life frustrated with my mother for not knowing God. It made me mad, many times.  Elinor’s ignorance, her complete disapproval of anyone who worshiped God, was so disappointing. I saw it as a form of spiritual (mental) illness.

How was it was possible not to know God? God was everywhere, in everything. To me it was blatantly obvious. I could see spirits, hear angels, speak with departed, understand the universal concept of Oneness. To me it was so simple. But our opposing views put a wedge in our relationship, and we were never close. I would go further to say, I’m not sure we ever bonded, really. But that story is in another chapter.

For now, let’s just say I left home early, at 15 years old, thank goodness. You might say I divorced my family of origin. I eventually left the United States, living abroad for 23 years, and traveled to 46 countries in the process.

FAST FORWARD TO 2017

In October of 2017 I was living happily ever after in Costa Rica. I had been living in Central America since August of 2012, and I had no intentions of ever returning to the US again. But strange things started to happen, that caught my attention.

Fun Fact: When you have a marker in your contract, and you are not currently in alignment with that marker, the Universe will move you to the right spot. You never have to worry about dropping the ball, or messing up your life story. Spirit God, the Universe, whatever word you want to give the ineffable, will put you exactly where you’re supposed to be. Fear not!

So there I was, living life exactly as I wanted, when out of nowhere, things went south. First, my lovely home by the ocean in Samara, Costa Rica,  was robbed. My only means of transportation, my awesome Suzuki motorcycle, was stollen. That was a real bummer.  Then, only a few days after the theft, another weird thing happened.

It was a full moon. I remember that, because I didn’t need to turn on the lights in the house. The moon’s reflection outside was so powerful, it lit up the whole house with moonbeams. I went to take a shower, and didn’t bother turning on the light, as I could see fine in the moonlight. I was under the shower when I noticed that the water felt strange. It felt heavy, thick, and that was odd.

I looked up at the shower head, and noticed a strange dark shadow. No, it wasn’t a dark shadow. It was literally the water! It was black. And then I realized, it wasn’t water flowing out of the shower head, it was more like oil. Thick, black, greasy oil was pouring all over me. I quickly shut off the faucet, and panicked. No bueno!

To this day, I have no idea what happened to the water. The next day plumbers were out working on the street line, but they never said what made the water black. But it was disgusting, and it sure felt like black sludge with oil mixed in. Foul to say the least.

My mood was shifting south, as things piled up. Chaos ensued. Between the robbery, and the blackwater shower, I was getting fed up with the Pura Vida lifestyle. I began to contemplate where else to live. Samara was turning out to be a bit of a drag for me.  The town was a bit too sleepy for my taste.  And, I was feeling restless.

A few days later, I received an email from the landlord.  It was the third strike. I was being evicted, since the owners had decided to turn the house into an Airbnb instead of a long term rental. I was given 30 days to leave the property.

That was the straw that broke the camels back.

I bailed on Costa Rica in that moment. “Okay fine, I get it!” I spoke aloud to the Universe.
“Three strikes I’m out.” And it was true. I always looked for patterns of three. When three “kick you in the ass” events happen, it’s time to pay attention.  Three kicks means your time is up. Move on down the line.

Within two months I found myself back in the USA. My dear friend Patty, whom I’d meet in 2011 when I first moved to Costa Rica, told me that Oregon was the most civilized place to live in the USA. She described her hometown of Eugene as being the “coolest hippy capital” of the country. Patty encouraged me to move there, so I did. While I didn’t relish the idea of living on US soil again, I did feel grounded and purposeful now that I was home again. I didn’t know about the master plan unfolding.

Meanwhile, my mother, now 98 years old, was living in a retirement facility in Ojai, California, about two hours north of Cypress Drive, my childhood home. I rarely saw her, but we did keep in touch by phone. She led a sorry life, in my opinion, in her final years as Elinor. Mom had slowly lost her vision in her early 90’s. By 96, she was completely blind, due to macular- degeneration.

All mom did was sit in her lazy chair and listen to TV. She couldn’t do anything else, being blind. She basically just existed, awaiting her death, when her body would cease to exist. Elinor quietly awaited the moment when every part of her being would disintegrate into the eternal nothingness. That’s how she spent her last days, waiting for the nothingness.

The new year came and went, and now spring was on the horizon. It was March 9, when the news arrived. My mother had slipped away. She was about to die. I should come as soon as possible. All these years had gone by, with our bickering about life and death, about God and no God. There were so many longwinded arguments about the Eternal, and the Eternal Nothingness. We were always at odds on all of these things. Now, my mother’s moment of transition was here, and she was facing her final demise. She was finally falling into the Nothingness. I felt so bad for her. She must be terrified, horrified by the Nothingness, knocking at her door.

As soon as I heard she had entered the non-responsive state I’ll call coma, I dropped everything and raced to The Gables Retirement Home, in Ojai California. I wanted to make sure she didn’t cross over before I got there. I was determined.

To this day, I don’t know why I was the only one by her side during the final days before she crossed. Peggy, my older sister, was not present. She was always mom’s favorite, and their relationship was as close as close can be. Witnessing their intimate love, and mutual belief systems, reminded me of the wedge between us. My own children were not available for whatever reason to come during those last few days of grandma’s life. It was just me, her child nemesis.

I’m not even sure, to this day, how my mom felt about her youngest child. I presume she loved me, but she never said it. I think my incessant talk about God drove her nuts, and probably made her resent me on a certain level. But here we were, together, approaching the most important day of her life.

I believe the day we exit any incarnation trumps the day we enter. Why? Because when we exit, we take with us the knowledge we’ve acquired from this visit to Earth School. Our proverbial diploma in hand, we simultaneously witness the eternal God Spirit, and the great team of angels, our soul tribe, and our spirit guides as they welcome us back to the Eternal God Space!

How awesome is that!.

When we enter an incarnation, it’s all about letting go and wiping our memory slate clean.

There are many among us, like myself, who’ve retained information from their past lives, and the life between lives. But for the most part, it’s all about forgetting. Entering the incarnation is falling asleep, forgetting the Eternal Love Space, falling into the short dream of the human existence. That’s nothing like crossing over, and going Home! Exiting out of the 3D is Waking Up from the human dream, and then falling into the arms of God! I worship and cherish this life, but I can’t wait till I go home again.

When I arrived at the Gables, mom was lying in her bed, comatose. Her legs and feet had started to show the signs of the crossing, and the nurses said it could happen at any moment. I kneeled beside her bed, and took her hand in mine as I put my face close to hers.

“Mom, I love you mom. I’m here with you now.”

Is it possible to do something slowly, but fast? That’s how my mom woke up in that moment. Mom slowly moved her head, and then suddenly her eyes popped wide open, almost in astonishment. She lifted her head up off the pillow, and gazed right into my eyes. Then, she stared intensely at me, and I understood clearly that was actually ‘seeing’ me. Her eyesight was back. I could tell.  It was obvious. And with those wide eyes staring into mine, my mother said:

“Sally! You came. I’ve been waiting for you. I’m so glad to see you.”

And then, as quickly as she woke up, she fell back asleep, back into the coma state. Elinor never opened her eyes again, but she did other miraculous things I’ll share with you now. It was awesome, in the true meaning of the word.

Creating Ceremony for Mother’s Crossing

I have spent many lifetimes in Peru, and for this I have acquired an alignment with the shamanic teachings and traditions of the Amazon rainforest. In my practice today as a psychic medium and shamanic healer, my focus is on the traditions of the Quechua speaking tribes of central and northern Peru. With this foundation of spiritual wisdom, I prepared a ceremony for Mother to celebrate and honor her transition back home.

Ojai is a sacred valley just north of Los Angeles, with a deep spiritual history among the native tribes who once lived here peacefully before the white invasion. I went to into the hills to gather herbs for ceremony. Here if found white sage, lavender, and rosemary growing in abundance. I had to go to the grocery store for mint.

I then went to Soul Centered, the metaphysical store where I had once worked as a psychic medium before I moved to Costa Rica. There I purchased small linen bags to store the herbs, and some sacred stones to honor the directions and Pachamama, Mother Earth, who has held Elinor on her bosom during her incarnation on Gaia, Earth School. Once I had everything I needed, I returned to the Gables and prepared the table for the ceremony of transition.

Beginning the ceremony,  I gave praise to the directions and the elements, according to the shamanic traditional ceremony. I then called upon mom’s parents, her sister,  and her beloved friends who crossed before her. I called them forth in a gratitude prayer:

“We sing praises to Pachamama, earth mother, sacred guardian of the South, formed as sacred stone. Wisdom teacher of awakened vocations, and virtues of shamanic healers. Empowered by Kawsay – abundant Life – we bless you and honor you.”

As I spoke this prayer, I filled one of the linen sachets with Mint.

Historically used for protection and healing, mint is probably best known for its use in oral hygiene. Its direction is south, with Pachamama. This was also my mother’s favorite herb. It grew abundantly around our various homes, because mint was always the first plant to go in mother’s  garden. Elinor loved gardening, and she had a green thumb.

“We sing praises to Mama Killa, mother moon, keeper of the West, and formed as shell. Healing waters that cover the earth, we are grateful for your protection of our heart space. We praise the great dolphin and whale, your animal ally. Great Munay, unlimited compassionate love abides in you.”

For this shamanic prayer, I used lavender. Purity, devotion, and grace belong to lavender. Its color, associated with the crown chakra, enhances spiritual connectivity. It is also the herb of purification, and associated with a peaceful, calm nature. Lavender is my herb choice for Mama Killa, sacred Moon mother, for lavender is divinely feminine.

“Eternal gratitude and blessings to Wiracocha, creator of the Great Mystery, sacred keeper of air, K’anchay, and formed as a feather. Praises to Hatun Kuntur, great condor and eagle ally. We are eternally grateful for your protection of our spiritual awakening and your healing of all spiritual infirmity. Keeper of the North, you lift us and awaken us to the Divine.

I sang this shamanic icaro as I placed sage into the sachet. Sage is the shaman’s first choice for clearing negative energy both from the body, and the environment. Burning sage releases negative ions, and it’s directly linked to enhancing one’s mood, and releasing endorphins of well-being. In rituals, sage provides wisdom and clarity to situations. It is used specifically to increase spiritual awareness.

Filling the last sachet with rosemary, I sang praises to the East, and called forth the ancestors in Spirit to assist me in my mother’s journey home. Rosemary is the plant of remembrance, used to enhance our connection to our ancestors across the veil. Rosemary is also associated with the Sun, and fire is its element. East is its direction.

“Praises to Tayta Inti, father sun, great puma and jaguar ally, we glorify your sacred fire, and divine protection of our intellectual minds. Eternal blessings for the higher awakened consciousness that you illicit in us. For you are the great catalyst for our transcendence into the Cosmos of universal awareness. We praise you and call forth the ancestors to lead the way for our beloved Elinor’s crossing.”

This preliminary ceremony was done in my hotel room, located  directly across the street from the Gables, where my mother lay in deep sleep awaiting her departure from Earth School.  Temporary rental apartments were set up just for this reason – to house the families of loved ones in the process of transcending. The room was very cozy, with fluffy pillows everywhere and overstuffed cushiony furniture. The decor had a bit of a Laura Ashley design quality to it. It was perfect.

I took the bundles and crossed the street to see mom. Her room, lucky 13, was at the end of the hall past the dining room. When I entered, mom was lying there, motionless, with her mouth slightly ajar, her breathing noticeably irregular. The nurses had told me she was, and would be, unresponsive. Her passing was imminent.

It was now March 12, and my mother’s 98th birthday was in just two days: March 14!  As I sat next to her on the side of the bed and held her hand to my heart. I explained that I was here to help her on her journey home. I told her all I knew about what many humans call heaven, all about what was going to happen when she went there. Then, I reassured her that she would never be alone along the way.

I spoke to her of how she would meet God, and the enormous power of Love that would fill and surround her. Then I told her how she could leave her body now and travel anywhere she wanted. She could  see all her friends and family who were still on earth – if she wanted to visit them one last time “as Elinor” before she left. I explained that after she got home, she would also be able to see them any time she wanted, only they might not be able to see her at that point.

It was a big talk, and for the first time in our history together in this incarnation, she listened to me without hissing and rolling her eyes, and stopping me mid sentence to say her favorite insult: “Uggh, you people of faith!”

Then, I gave it a rest. “I think we’ve covered enough in our spirituality class for today Mom.”  And following Spirit’s guidance, I began to sing to my mom. I laid next to her and wrapped my arm around her. Lying on my side hugging her with my right arm, I sang all the songs Spirit told me to sing. Later, when I prepared a CD to honor those songs, they miraculously numbered 13. Thirteen songs, a few about Spirit, and others I knew were mom’s favorites. That is how we spent the day, two days before her big birth day.

But I’ve saved the best part of the day for last.

I had spent the day entire time talking to my mom about the afterlife, but I hadn’t yet done the shamanic ceremony. Fear of saying good-bye, perhaps. But  first I wanted to unload a lifetime of knowledge about God. Information I had always wanted her to hear, and know.  This was finally my opportunity to dominate the conversation while she was in a perfect place to listen. I knew she could hear me, despite her being in coma.  The ceremony would happen tomorrow.

During my invasive spiritual lesson, when I was explaining to mom that she could go “out of body” to visit her friends and family before she left us for home, I asked her for a response, just to show me that she was present, in class! It went something like this:

“Mom, I love you, and I know you can hear me. I need you to know that everything is so perfect. I need you to know you have extraordinary powers now.  Your spirit guides, and loved ones are here to help you cross. You can do many things now, and maybe they have already shown you how to do this. But Mom, you can go anywhere you want now, out of your body, right now, if you want. You can go see Sarah, (my daughter) or hang out with your sister Margaret (she crossed years before). Mom, you are so powerful now, you can travel.  You’re not stuck in this bed anymore. And now you have the eyes to see! Mom, do you understand me? Mom, I want you to squeeze my hand if you understand what I’m saying.”

In that very instant, my mom squeezed my hand, strong as shit. She squeezed my hand with a kind of jerk motion, and it was so incredibly beautiful. Then, with profound relief and feeling Spirit’s omnipresence, I kissed her goodnight, and went back to singing. I just laid with my mom all day, and all night, and I sang to her. That’s all we did.

These are the songs I sang to my mom for 4 days, up until she crossed. It was random that there were 13 songs, considering her room was #13. At her Celebration of Life, we gave a CD to all who attended the ceremony in her memory:

1) Frank Sinatra, Fly Me To The Moon
2) Frank Sinatra, Young At Heart
3) Jonny Mathis, Oh Holy Night
4) Rickie Byers, The Love Project
5) The Pacemakers, You Never Walk Alone
6) Rickie Byers, Blessed Always
7) Irish Tennors, When Irish Eyes are Smiling
8) Bette Midler, Wind Beneath My Wings
9) Maurice Chevalier, Thank Heavens for Little Girls
10) Christina Perri, A Thousand Years
11) Man of La Mancha, Impossible Dream
12) Cilla Black, What’s it All About Alfie?
13) Rickie Byers, Let My Soul Surrender


These songs were on a loop while I lay beside my mom and loved her during her transition home. I know she heard me singing to her. I’m sure of it.  For now, I just wanted to sing, and praise God for its presence holding us both in Divine Spirit Love.

The day before Mom’s birthday, I performed the ceremony, in the late afternoon, early evening. It is the most sacred of ceremonies: Death.

Birth is light and airy, but a ritual ceremony for Death is heavy for the heart. We will miss our beloved soul tribe member, we who are left behind in Earth School. But in reality, both are equal, for each involves direct connection to Spirit God. All experience is in God’s hands. But when we come into an incarnation, and when we exit that incarnation, we get to be literally Face to Face with the almighty power that governs our eternal universe. Call it what you will, the original ineffable Divine Love Entity goes by many names. This I know to be true, from the deepest part of my soul, I know this as clearly as I know the love I have for my children. It is a non-negotiable, absolute truth.

The ceremony lasted a few hours. Much like the prayers shared above, representing the directions, I sang the prayers in a similar way to mom while she lay motionless but peacefully enchanted at this point of her transition. You could see it in her face. The anxiety I saw before, deeply rooted in her fear of death, (that after you die, nothing exists) was gone.

I could tell instantly when I entered the room before ceremony. Her face had changed. I sat next to her, and I instantly got a message from mom’s only sibling, Margaret, who had crossed several years ago. Margaret told me that she was here, chatting mom up and reassuring her that all was well.

Instinctively, I took mom’s hand and said: “Mom, your sister’s here,” and with my other hand I stroked mom’s hand in mine.

“Margaret is right beside you now, and she’s here to help take you home. Don’t worry, you are not going to die. You will never die Mom, I promise! Please know this. Do you see Margaret, Mom? She’s right here. She’s going to take you home. Squeeze my hand if you can see her.”

And then it happened again. She squeezed my hand. Mom squeezed my hand! Isn’t that amazing?

During the ceremony, I took the sachets and held each one under my mom’s nose, so she could smell them. I sang prayers associated with the spiritual qualities of each herb, while performing shamanic healing celebrating mom’s transition.
Hearing is the last of the 5 senses to disappear in the process of what we call dying. But we are really awakening out of a dream state, known as the human incarnation, to the Eternal Soul state of existence that is the Real You – also known as the Higher Self.

And can you imagine how wonderful it was, when I placed the sachets under my mom’s nose, and she winced? It was quite obvious that she could still smell, and her physical response was soothing and reassuring. It was confirmation she was present during our ceremony. And if she could smell the herbs, I know she could hear the shamanic prayers. Spirit God was guiding her in every step of her journey. It was so beautiful to see my mom realize the power of her soul as she transcended the human condition. It was as profound for me as it was for her, I’m sure.

And then it clicked. Instantly I knew our contract was this moment. Part of our soul contract required mom to forget her spiritual origin, and for me to help her in the transition to know it again, in that final episode of her life as Elinor.

It was also part of my contract to fight with her on this subject my entire life, only to know and experience together, the re-membering and return to our knowing the Oneness of our connection to Source. That was our soul contract being fulfilled. Mom would fight God while she raised me. I would fight her, fighting God, until we had the time to settle the scores. It was a perfect, and divine contract. I finally understood.

Why would the fight be worth it you say? Because, having two parents who so obstinately refuted God made me fight harder to know God. If you are told all your life that your core belief system is irrational, and nothing heroic even though you think it is, what happens to you? Option one is to give up and succumb to their belief system. Option two is to fight for what is your most profound truth, and it elicits a Joan of Arc energy in the battle. Now we have reconciled, and both mom and I are at peace with what is real. I know, in the final days, that innocent soul known as Elinor made her greatest leap in her final hours. That alone is Divine.

The following day was mom’s birthday. It was about sunset when I leaned into her and said:

“Tomorrow is your birthday mom! You made it to 98, but it’s really 99, because you spent almost a year in utero, so that counts too!”

“What time were you born mom? Do you know?” I asked Spirit to tell me what time my mom was born, and the answer I got was 8:30 am.

“Mom, Spirit just told me you were born in the morning, about 8:30 am. Isn’t that cool? Do you understand that God is always with you, and can answer questions you have? You were born in the morning mom. We celebrate your birthday tomorrow! You’ve lived a great life mom, congratulations.” Ceremony and good-night prayers completed, I fell asleep again, next to mom as she traveled to lands unknown.

Happy Birthday Mom!

I woke up around 7 am, and said, “Happy Birthday Mom” while mother lay motionless. 98 years old and lying on her deathbed. You are almost born mom, remember? You were born at 8:30 and in a few more minutes, it will be official….You will be 99 years old! What a great life you’ve had mom, I hope you are proud of yourself. I love you so much. You’ve been such a great mom….”

I said everything I wanted, and needed to say to Elinor, that soul who I chose to mother me in this incarnation. Then, instinctively, I returned to the songs. I was  lying next to mother in her bed, nose to nose with her, singing “Let My Soul Surrender”  when the clock struck 8:30. At that very moment, my mom startled, and then her body went stiff for a second. I was literally singing into her face, when I caught her last breath.